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My Authenticity Project – Status Update

Dinner with my Mom as we enjoyed a sunset in Morro Bay near my home. Gorgeous!

I’m 26 days into my personally prescribed Authenticity Project (based upon the theme of Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project).  If you didn’t see the kick off of my project, read about my commandments and first month’s resolutions.

Today I’d like to share a few of the highlights and not-so-highlights and what I’m noticing about myself. The biggest highlight of me listening to my inner desires, my deepest self, my calling has been two fold.

First, I’ll share some of the amazing things that have unfolded when I opened the door to the Universe (my authentic self) and let the magic emerge.

One of the things I realized about myself when I started to listen in was that I have a funny bone! I really like being silly, laughing and making other people laugh.

If we met in a business situation you would have no idea that was the case.  Seriously. And neither did the people I work with.

At this point they’ve experienced a taste of my humor since I started this project. I’m telling jokes, funny stories and just all around spreading humor when I feel the urge to do so.  It hasn’t gotten me fired and quite the opposite really.  I think it’s helping people lighten up and feel more comfortable around me.  I feel closer to the people I work with than before.

My joy is bubbling up from within when I start laughing and other people are laughing along with me.

I was sharing with my Master Mind partners that I felt like I had put a lid on my silly side and quenched my laughter and goofiness decades ago.  I don’t remember making a conscious decision to do it, but I now feel like I definitely put the lid down and have been living this totally serious side.  For way too long!

One of the reasons I married my husband is because he has a great sense of humor.  He tells dry jokes, but he laughs at my jokes and we laugh quite a bit when we’re together.  We can be silly and funny together, but that’s about the only place I had been silly in my life.What a waste of a life!

If you ask the authentic me she would tell you “laugh deeply and laugh often”.  I believe laughter is medicine for the soul and the body. I even sent out this silly video to my subscribers because it cracks me up every time I watch it.  To me it’s both silly and very funny.  I figure if I’m going to be my authentic self, then all of me should be welcome here.

Would I have told anyone six months ago that I watch it over and over when I want a good chuckle?  Maybe if asked point blank I would.  But mostly I was in the habit of keeping the silly-Polly on lock-down.  High alert.  Code red, no fun, no silliness, no laughing.

Not any more!

I’m definitely more in touch with this emerging silly side and I hope you’ll start to see more expression of it as we move forward, too.

How about you?  Do you have a secret silly side?  One that you think would embarrass you if people knew your sense of humor?  What bad things would happen if you let it out?  What good things would happen if you let it out? 

I can tell you I’ve only experienced good things since I let mine out and the payoff of increased joy is well worth any ounce of embarrassment I thought I’d experience.

Second update is about my eating.  I am a recovered bulimic and while food doesn’t haunt me, I have noticed lately that I’m eating way more for pleasure and to a point where I don’t feel good later.  I bought my husband this caramel corn chocolate decadence and we started to eat it.  I knew I reached my happy place with satisfying my craving for it and yet I ate a few more handfuls…for what?  No particular reason other than it tasted divine at the time.

Well, I feel like I suffered the repercussions the next day in lack of energy, motivation, and a bit of guilt for eating so much.  Yes, I’m here to admit that even recovered people sometimes overeat occasionally.  I don’t tell you that so you question yourself or me. It’s just what happened.  The important thing is I was aware during and after the event happened.

As I revisited the event in my mind to try and learn from the experience I realized this:

When I take care of myself, I feel good.  When I don’t take care of me, I feel badly.

Even in the moment of eating the extra dessert the momentary rush of pleasure is not offset equally by the bad way my body feels afterwards.  I will remember that the next time and act differently.  Life’s little lessons.  Learning as I go.

This week’s theme with my Master Mind group was definitely about “learning to take care of ourselves first”.  We each shared stories of how we didn’t take care of ourselves and we felt badly because of it. Or if we did take care of ourselves we, and the people around us, all did better.

Reminds me of an intuitive reading I had about 6 years ago with a wonderfully gifted intuitive.  She read my aurora and told me that it looked like a kitchen siv – my light and energy were leaking out of all sides of me.  I was giving and giving without taking care of me.  She said I would need to well up the walls of my energy, take better care of myself (take me time outs) and then I would be able to fill my well to overflowing and the lover could come out.  It was absolutely true.

Our American society seems so hell-bent on getting women to believe at an early age that they have to please others…have to take care of others or they’re greedy.  Well phooey!  I’ve seen it in my life and in many other women’s experience, too.  If you don’t put you first, then there’s nothing left at the end for you and not only are you worse off, but the people around you only get a fraction of the whole you.

Please, if you’re not taking care great care of you and putting you as a priority, please try it.  Even for 2-3 weeks?  Try on being enough just the way you are and giving yourself the freedom, the guilt free breaks you deserve and your body, mind and spirit so need to renew your energy.