Feeling frustrated [with yourself] and want to create a lasting change in your life? Here's…
I want to use a personal example to demonstrate the power of asking questions to help you on your path to answering “how can I be happy?”
I had this awesome ah-ha moment this morning that inspired this post. I hope you get something out of this and apply what I learned in your life. Then come back and let me know how it helped!
The Path to Happiness Is Always Available
Allow me to lay a little philosophical foundation before I go into my story from this morning that reminded me of the importance of asking better questions.
My belief is that there is a path of least resistance that leads us to happiness. That path is always available to us when we’re connected to our highest selves/Source/God/the Universe. When we pinch ourselves off from the wisdom that is within us – by focusing on the negative or what’s not working – we can’t see the path of least resistance. It’s there. We just litter the path with obstructions.
To find our path to happiness I think it’s about being present to our feelings in every moment. When we find ourselves feeling bad we must do something about it. Take responsibility for how we feel. Take ownership of our happiness. It’s our choice.
I’ve been on this path to happiness for some year now. I’m so sensitive when I don’t feel good and I’m just not willing to feel bad for very long. I won’t tolerate negativity inside or outside in my life.
Why would you tolerate feeling bad?
You know too much and won’t let that happen and let’s move ahead to helping you continue finding that path to happy.
Find Your Happy Path With Focus & Questions
As a student of Tony Robbins’ and Abraham-Hicks I know that what I focus on I will attract more of into my life. I’ve noticed that whatever I focus on and give meaning to will create a feeling inside of me (focus –> thoughts –> meaning –> feeling). Therefore, I’m in control of what I feel are given what I choose to focus on. It’s powerful just knowing that!
(I really, really hope you took that last part in because that alone could shift your whole experience of life.)
From experience in dealing with monitoring and guiding my feelings I’ve learned that if I guide my attention with better questions I can usually find my way to feeling better.
A Story of Hope
I’d like to give you an example of how I was able to shift my emotions today in an instant just by asking myself better questions. Here goes…
This morning I received an email from my attorney with an attachment/letter from my soon-to-be ex-husband. We’ve been working on the divorce for nearly two years and it’s been emotionally taxing with all the back and forth. Every time I receive an email from my ex or attorney my mind goes to “oh great, what does he [the ex] want now?”
This morning I fell right back into my old negative pattern. The negative pattern I’ve been sustaining all these many months. The first question my brain suggested was…you guessed it “what does he want now?!” As soon as I saw the email, heard the question in my head and made it mean that it was going to cost me more money I felt like shit. My pulse started to race, my body clenched up, I started to grit my teeth and could not sit still. Yuck!
I wanted to go about my day and not open the email – that way I didn’t know what this was going to cost. Yet, having studied Brian Tracy and his book Eat That Frog First I know that if you’ve got to do that thing you least want to do first thing in the day or it will haunt you and drain your energy all day. I didn’t want this taking away any more energy than it already had, so I opened the email.
As I suspected, the ex had yet more demands to put upon our agreement that would cost me more money.
I felt pissed. I felt frustrated. I felt defeated. I felt hopeless. I felt like getting revenge.
You name it if it was on the negative end of the scale within a period of 90 seconds I felt it all.
As I noticed I was becoming more upset I took a deep breath and paused. I got up from my desk and stepped away from the computer. I centered myself and said “what’s a better question?” I asked myself “what do I want?”
As my mind searched for an answer what came back was “how do I keep my house?”
It was so easy and yet for the past two years that thought had eluded me. Partly because I wasn’t clear whether I wanted to keep the house or just move on with a clean slate. Only recently I became clear that I want to save my house. My subconscious mind in that moment, knowing my inner desire, sent my brain the impulse, the question, that I most needed to hear in that moment.
Just shifting my focus from “what’s this going to cost?” to “how can I keep my home?” felt like something worth working towards.
It’s like when I have a goal in my workouts. Right now I’m training for a Tough Mudder obstacle race this weekend. I’ve been working towards this goal for the past four months.
The goal was always clear: kick ass at Tough Mudder and have fun! Because the goal was clear along the way it was easy for me to find the happy path to my happy outcome. Along the way I’ve had tough workouts and sore muscles, but I have enjoyed it because I am so focused on my goal. But I’m also committed to enjoying the journey just as much.
I’m willing to put in the work, the time, the focus to get my result.
Now I just need to apply my work ethic towards my divorce. This was my ah-ha moment! I realized with that one simple question (“how can I keep my house?”) I have a goal and the answers will come to me. There will be some work, some negotiations, some focus I’ll need to apply but I will get my result.
If you’ve read my blog for any time you know I’m a big fan of being as happy as you can on your journey – not at some destination called “someday”. I have tried a lot of personal challenges and morning processes along the way and all of them have helped me to be the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Even in the midst of a nasty divorce, I’m still shining my light. I’m still focused on my happiness. Setbacks are lessons that make us stronger.
Being happy is an inside job. It’s in those small moments when something knocks us off our game or takes us down to our knees that we choose. We have to find our way to better feeling thoughts. One thought – or question – at a time.
I hope my ah-ha moment will stick in your mind the next time you receive some bad news or someone cuts you off in traffic. Ask a better question!
Tony Robbins says something to the effect of: “ask a better question, get a better life”
It’s your inner environment my friend. It’s about your inner conversation. It’s your thoughts/focus/meaning that will have you rolling downstream towards feeling better or leave you pissed off, frustrated and enjoying a pity party for one.
Here’s to you regaining your power in those moments from here after!
With love and light,