Feeling frustrated [with yourself] and want to create a lasting change in your life? Here's…
Loved this quote I came across today…
“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.”
I’m in a personal inquiry around playing a bigger game – and stepping up! It requires me to examine where and when I’m not playing a big enough game.
I received a letter of appreciation from a girl who lived in Australia thanking me for helping her find her way out of her eating disorder this week. I shared her story with my coach and she appreciated the story and acknowledged me for the work I’m doing to help people change their lives.
But, being a great coach she wasn’t done there. She called me back and said, “You don’t realize you’re already an international leader of transformation [for eating disorders]. It’s time to step up and start playing a bigger game.”
Damn coaches. They’re always right!!
As I started to take on the inquiry, “Ok, how do I start playing a bigger game?” it got me thinking of some things that I think directly relate to addictions like overeating, smoking or drinking.
Two key things keep us from taking massive action to make changes:
- Lack of certainty – when we feel uncertain, or worse believe something is hopeless, we take little action and get little results. Instead, when we believe – or have faith – that something is possible, perhaps something amazing is possible, we take much more or even massive action towards it. Our certainty, our belief in possibility, naturally guides us into actions and the path towards the outcome we want. If it’s overcoming an addiction, we must first believe it’s possible and then possible for us if we’re ever going to do anything to make changes.
- Lack of confidence – this is when we have thoughts of self-doubt or lack of belief in ourselves. I can relate to this one after living 20 years with an addiction. When you get locked into the endless loop of addiction where you say you’re going to stop, slip up, try again and slip again eventually you stop having faith in yourself to keep your word. Try having confidence when you can’t even trust yourself for one day.
The downward, self-fulfilling spiral of self-doubt can seem bottomless. The negative momentum of not believing in yourself attracts more like it to you. As your inner self-esteem begins to fade, the inner critic gets louder and more aggressive. After years of this self-abuse you’re a mere fraction of the powerful woman you once were. While to the world you can look accomplished and like you have your life together, inside you feel like a loser who’s both helpless and hopeless.
Yuck. That feels horrible just to think about.
OK…OK. Let’s move on to solutions shall we?
As I’m in the process of looking for ways to personally build up my self-confidence I’ve been studying teachings and receiving coaching in this area and wanted to share some insights for your journey to greater confidence, too.
Ways to Regain Your Power and Overcome Self-Doubt:
- Take a Morale Inventory – I like the quote “know thyself” and this has been showing up a lot lately in my research. What a moral inventory could look like is finding 15-30 minutes to sit quietly alone somewhere while you take stock of your assets as a human being. You’re looking for any and all assets. Give yourself credit for anything! Notice the qualities that make you a good human being. The things you do, the way you treat people, your inner qualities that make up who you are. Take the full 30 minutes if you can so you can to build a really long list. Once you’ve completed your list, reflect on it like a 3rd Pretend you’d just made this list of a person you really, really admire and then notice how great it feels to realize that person…is you!
- Celebrate Small Wins – with the addiction cycle and trying to quit, slipping back and trying again we feel like we just can’t get traction. Well, find an area of your life you do feel empowered in, maybe another small habit or something you’ve been procrastinating on, and make the change. Look for easy wins. Don’t belittle the importance of this process. When you set a goal, get it done and reflect on the win you’re re-training your brain to see you as a success. You begin to see yourself as a person who keeps their word and achieves what they set out to do.
- Make External Commitments and Keep Them – put yourself out there a few times for others and follow through. This, too, will show you that you CAN be trusted. You are reliable and can commit and follow through on what you commit to.
- Stand Up for Yourself – whenever you have an opportunity to stand up for yourself or tell someone your position on something, even if they could disagree or be upset with it, do it. We didn’t come here to get along with everyone or to do everything other people want us to do. It’s OUR choice how to live. Stand up for what you want, need and will allow into your life. This will fill your inner worthiness well. Big time.
- Power Pose It – You’ve probably heard of the research that came out of Harvard years ago about how empowering it is for us to stand in a powerful pose for as little as two minutes. Standing like Wonder Woman, hands on our hips, head held high and breathing deeply can alter our emotional state of inner confidence quite dramatically actually. Try it every day and you’ll begin to build that inner confidence momentum.
- Positive Self-talk – this one takes mindfulness, or at least a really good system of reminders. Throughout your day look for opportunities to praise, appreciate and talk kindly to yourself. I have morning rituals where I say nice things to myself and about myself every day. This stuff works.
- Attitude of Gratitude – you’ve probably heard this one, too. Living with a grateful and loving heart is huge for being in a high vibration. Most of us are so focused on what’s wrong with us, the world and our lives that we don’t spend nearly as much time in appreciation. It’s a practice. Like push ups. Try it for a week…
- Make a List of Your Accomplishments – either make a list of your wins in life, things you’ve done that you’re proud of, or each day make a list of 3 things you completed that day. As you begin to reflect each day on your accomplishments you will think you’re more successful. That will allow you to carry over that success muscle into the area you’re wanting a breakthrough in.
Which one of these will you take on this week? And what if you took on one a week for a month how much farther along could you be in 30 days?
Remember, if you’re trying to overcome a bad habit or addiction, the two areas you may need to work on in order to really decide and commit are BELIEVING IT’S POSSIBLE and BELIEVING IN YOURSELF. Once these two are in place you’re ready to step up and kick that habit for good!
I hope this has been helpful and I welcome your comments or questions.