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I’m Messy Today

I have a very close girlfriend who first introduced me to the phrase “I’m Messy Today”.

Once as week I jump on a call with my closest friends (Maoi sisters) and we coach one another in all areas of our life (money, relationships, growth, career, etc.).

Nothing is off limits.

One of my Maoi sisters has been going through a lot of growth and expansion over the past few years. When she’s having a rough day and feels sort of “off” she says when she joins the call, “I’m messy today“.

When I first heard that I thought it was the coolest thing!
First, to have someone be so authentic and self-aware as to say, “I haven’t got it all together. I’m raw and ragged and I’m gonna let it all hang out on this call with you guys. I trust you. You’re my sisters and I know you love me. It’s ok that I don’t have my act together today and I just need you to see me for who I am. To listen to me with compassion and not judge me.”

Secondly, to see how easy it was for me to accept her for her messy-ness and also for my other friends to embrace her with love and acceptance was a real eye opener. The way I felt about her when she said that was along the lines of one of my favorite lines…

All of you is welcome here.

This week I’ve sent out a few emails to my emails to my newsletter subscribers and asked them for feedback and to share stories of what they were going through. The responses were so moving and inspiring I could hardly wait to read each one.

Just because the responses moved me is not to say they were all sunshine and rainbows. Not everyone suffering with bulimia or anorexia is having a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day.

A few common threads from the stories and emails are these:

ashamed about their behaviors, their past, their disordered eating habits

isolated and lonely even in their own home with family around (in a close relationship)

frustrated about not being able to get over their eating disorder (for months, years or decades)

constant obsessing about food, diets, weight, calories, and daily intake

angry at themselves for what they were doing to themselves

anger at other people for putting so much pressure on them, running them ragged, not understanding them, not listening, talking down to them, not having compassion or empathy for their struggle

and the one that stood out to me most of all was

feeling disconnected [from the world, people, friends, kids, spouses around them] because they have an awful secret they can’t share with those closest to them

What I said to each of them and I say to you if you can relate to any of these feelings is…

All of you is welcome here.

No matter how messy you [feel you] are.  As incomplete and disconnected as you feel; YOU are welcome here.  YOU are welcome to be who you are – now.  Just as you are.  You are ok by me.

I want to remind you of what I shared earlier.  That when my best girlfriend gets on our call and says, “I’m messy today” and we all instantly accept and love her just the way she is, that is the kind of people you want to be hanging out with.  People who accept you and welcome all of you into their lives are the people who will allow you to fall down, grow, get up, move on and live full out. Anyone else is not worth your time and you should move on to new friends if you can’t be messy with those around you.

Get new friends.

Stop talking to your loved ones if they don’t accept your messy self.

Keep looking until you find people who welcome all of you.

You’re probably best off in an eating disorder support group where people have similar challenges they’re facing and can relate to what we’re going through.  Don’t expect everyone to accept you the way you are.  I don’t expect that of people and I’m in a healthy place. I don’t hold it against them if I don’t feel like I can open up to everyone like I do with my Maoi sisters.

I have found a group of like-minded women I can trust.  I can be my most messy self with.  Women who love me when I’m being my greatest self.  Women who love me when I’m keeping myself from being great (i.e. I’m “on it” and don’t want coaching).  It took me a long time to find them, but I’m so grateful they’re in my life and they are, too.

I’ll leave you with this last thought.  Whenever you’re feeling messy and need to get something off your chest…

All of you is welcome here.

Send me an email.  Write a comment on a post and both I and other women who love and accept you just the way you are will give you with the love and compassion you deserve.

I say it’s ok to be messy.  It’s a part of life.  Don’t make it a career of being messy, but accept it when you’re in it and reach for the best feeling thought you can think in each moment.